Coynie and I have done quite a few stints now apart with him often working overseas, however the last leg was definitely the longest… and likely the most difficult being somewhat displaced with 2 little ones. I’m fortunate this time to have family around, and also friends who share a similar lifestyle that help me through it all. 

I know I’m an independent person, and do well on my own, in fact I really appreciate alone time. Although my personality assists with this sort of lifestyle, it doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges along the way. There are. I have received a few messages from you ladies however who’s partners are either considering working away or already do but kids will soon be involved so I thought I’d share some of the key things that have helped us. 

Initially, figuring out the practical side of living took precedent- who will manage what aspects of the family unit and how…..BUT we forgot about the emotional weight of it all. Like clockwork, a week before Coynie was to leave we’d get into a argument, over the most ridiculous things. I’m very much a ‘I can do it all’ type person and I knew very well I was building up my wall as my way of coping with him leaving and the responsibility that fell on myself. I would be cranky and irritable, but once we became aware that emotions were simply getting to us we were better able to prepare for it. 

Once he’s away, I fell into my routine etc time, even with the two kids. You pick your battles, and simply do what you can to make the day enjoyable for all parties. When we had a bad day, I would catch myself being jealous of Mr Coyne going home from work, ordering dinner in and watching Netflix. Oh how I wish I could do that. But then I’d catch myself. He’s not working away because he wants to be away from us, he’s doing it to provide for us and our future. He’s doing this so we can have the life we dream of for our kids. My attitude would quickly change from bitterness to gratefulness. 

This was our first big haul with the two kids, and I noticed after about a month that their behaviours changed- needy, cranky, simply exhausting.  I realised they too are emotional, they miss their dad. So I ensured quality time. No phones, no distractions. We played, we cuddled, we went on adventures and I gave them a good routine. A good friend Allira recommended we make dad a large diary of all of our shenanigans, so every week we drew dad pictures, wrote down stories and included photos and gave him an overfilled book of our adventures. I honestly think this was a game changer for Harlyn. Hale however was more difficult being so young. He couldn’t communicate and absolutely craved male attention, so we ensured regularly dates with Papa and phone calls with his dad. 

Although exhausting, it’s amazing the routine you create and what you can accomplish. Then there’s the excitement and nerves of the hubby returning. This time I knew all too well what to expect but regardless, I still felt and went through it all. There’s the honeymoon period, then the ‘you can go back now as you are totally messing up my routine’ then the stressed out period where they’re trying to communicate and make big decisions in the time they have and it’s overwhelming, then the ‘feels like they never left’ time where you’ve reconnected and got back into a collective routine. 

When he first gets home, it’s important for some down time. For everyone to simply cuddle, share stories and just reconnect. Rather than dad jumping into the ‘parent role’ of discipline etc, he lets me continue my way and assist in taking some tasks over gradually so not to disrupt (basically not to annoy me & not to discipline the kids when he hasn’t given the instructions or been here for some time). Coynie took over the nightly dinner and bathtime/story time routine which has helped the kids to have that quality time with him, and also gets them use to him being around.  I feel it takes a good 2 weeks to just settle, so best to keep commitments at a down low. We headed off for a mini family holiday which was a good way to learn to live together again in neutral territory, and impossible to be stressed when enjoying a family vacation.  We also plan our ‘Date nights’ which kind of suck here at the moment as we can’t go anywhere haha BUT we know one will be coming up and we can’t wait. 

There’s a lot of emotions involved with partners working away, so be in tune with the body and mind. Don’t ever hesitate to ask for help & try to enjoy the time you get to do what you want to do. There can be so many positives in having that time for you. The goodbyes never really get easier, but you can make the new normal easier on yourself, balancing between living for you and waiting for things you can do with your other half! So take advantage of it.